Here We are Again

As of recently, the conversation concerning the topic of race in the United States has been brought back to the forefront. The powder keg of a topic has been reignited by a painfully familiar spark that you can read all about by logging on to the social media platform of your choice, or by simply turning on a television or radio. I will be discussing the event that rekindled the flame, but first, I feel some exposition is in order. Racism is a difficult topic for many reasons, but there is one reason that I find it to be such a particularly maddeningly roundabout of an issue. The reason will sound grim, and that's because it is: I strongly suspect racism isn't an issue that can be solved. I believe there are issues surrounding racism that can be resolved and they should be resolved whenever and wherever possible. However racism itself, to myself at least, seems to be more of a conversation to be had than a problem that can be solved. The conversation therein is a difficult one, an awkward one, a painful one, a confusing one, and like most debates, one that doesn't have a clear end in sight. It looks to be a puzzle that doesn't itself wish to be solved and will fight society at every turn to remain unfinished. However the list of adjectives concerning the conversation of racism that I stated is tragically incomplete, and it would be irresponsible of me not to finish it. While racism is a difficult conversation, an awkward conversation, a painful conversation, and a confusing conversation, it is also one more thing: a necessary conversation. It is a burden that society must continue to bare in the form of this ongoing dialogue until it is lessened to the extent when we can find ourselves able to steadfastly tread onward towards a brighter future. As we further chip away at the edges of ignorance, I do truly believe that this boulder we carry can be lightened enough to the point where said brighter future can be forged, however doing so will be an arduous task to say the least. In writing this entry, I'm hoping to play my part in that process. So why am I writing this in the first place? If you don't live under a rock, you are aware that there has been yet another instance of police brutality, this time it occurred in Minneapolis. A man was accused of forging a check, the police were called, and he was killed. Why didn't I go into further detail than that? Well, in continuing with my new habit of being completely candid, the answer to that question is that the details are too frustrating, grotesque, unconscionable, and abominable. I do not possess the strength of character to recount the situation in it's entirety. Like most, I would like to think myself an individual with a certain strength of character, however this is yet another humbling instance to show me that is not entirely, or even for the most part, the case. While I may lack the strength, or perhaps the callousness, to be yet another individual who possesses the uncanny ability to witness true horror and show it to others in all its unsightly madness, I have found that I do have something of a knack for analysis and introspection. To be clear, it is necessary to spread awareness of such deplorable actions, and often it is necessary to witness them, but it is my personal opinion that overexposure leaves one numb and the individual lives lost become nothing more than tally marks on the wall in this madhouse we call a country. I don't ever want to become numb, that's the simple truth of it all and it's one thing I refuse to concede. It's for that reason that I didn't even watch the video. "How could you not watch it? Do you not have a heart?!" Someone may ask. My response would be that I didn't watch it specifically because I have a heart. Seeing the thumbnail of a human being with a knee on his neck was painful enough, and I don't seek to witness any more moral perversion than that. I don't need to. But what was most striking about this instance, as has been the most striking aspect of all of it, is that it's far from the first of its kind. At this point, the zeitgeist of the internet is bursting at the seems with content of violence. The levy containing all of the putrid acts of law enforcement seems to have burst, and all of the hideousness has flooded the village of our collective consciousness. Now the question needs to be asked, what do we do? There have been a number of responses, and the most peculiar thing about the whole situation is that all of them can be seen as either wrong or right. Often any given response is both appropriate and simultaneously outrageous, the difference being nothing more than the distance between whoever the individuals witnessing it may be. I have seen many cries for justice from individuals who have been profoundly affected by the disastrous and tragic miscarriage of the law. Many of those who are hurting are people I truly love and care for. Many of them are long time friends and family while some are simply acquaintances, yet their pain is no less relevant in my eyes. They are people of widely varied backgrounds. They are of age groups across the board, men and women, people of all racial backgrounds, and people of all philosophical and political orientations. It's so bizarre that so many people who would disagree on so much, seem to have come to the same understanding of the basic truth that what has occurred is an abomination. Although, when one comes to understand that the conversation quickly deteriorates right after that majority understanding, it is promptly revealed to be nothing but a cheap consolation prize. While some have called for justice in one form or another, others have tried additional action aside from the standard stance of solidarity. Donations to anti hate groups has spiked, so that's a silver lining, a slim one, but a positive none the less. Some have taken on organizational roles, which is also a sign of hope that perhaps we may in fact finally see some real change. Sadly, that hope is quickly dashed when one takes into account the fact that those haven't been the only responses. There have been uglier reactions that are worth going into as well. Some have leapt to the defense of the police, although I haven't seen any "blue lives matter" content as of yet. Perhaps the individuals privy to that sort of stance feel as though it's too soon to give voice to their understanding of the situation, at least not in the form of the emphatic vitriol that I've seen in the past, or perhaps some have finally realized that some actions simply can't be rationalized. Another possible answer to the lack of those types of cries, may in fact be that more individuals of that philosophical orientation have removed themselves from my social circle and I'm just not seeing it. Another unfortunate reaction is the tendency, the increasing one at that, I have seen of people to shame others for speaking out. I have seen people accuse others of "making it about them" and while I would certainly never say that could never be the case, I see it as especially unhelpful and unproductive. Even if an individual is being somewhat self serving in their cries for justice, the simple fact that they're spreading awareness makes it, not right, but easier to shrug off, at least from my perspective. And that brings me to my end of things. What has my response been? I'll admit, it was somewhat staggered at first. My initial response was to want to chime in with my own call for justice and solidarity. I made a few posts, but then quickly deleted them. I asked myself why I did that, and found that it seemed that I was being the very sort of aforementioned self serving individual. It felt as though I was making the matter about myself so I recanted. What did I do after that? Well, seeing as speaking out seems to lead one to be regarded as pandering, and remaining silent will lead one to be regarded as complicit, what is a Caucasian man such as myself to do? I made some donations to anti hate organizations, yet somehow my intentions, which seem to be correct, and my actions, which also seem to be correct, still don't lead me to feel as though I'm doing enough and change is nowhere to be found. It seems that no matter how I go about things, I just can't win. Anything I do is rendered useless by the society I live in and this perpetual state of misery continues in maddening repetition. To be perfectly clear, I wasn't describing my own situation just now. Rather, everything I just wrote after "organizations" was an attempt at summing up the descriptions of what African American life is like that I've picked up here and there. Perhaps that's a very relevant piece of this puzzle that doesn't want to be solved; coming to understand and listen to the perspectives of others enough that you're able to restate them yourself and dictate your actions and treatment of others with that knowledge in tow. But perhaps it's more than that. Perhaps that understanding isn't just a piece of the puzzle. Earlier I mentioned a boulder that we carry as a society. Perhaps that understanding is the very chisel that can be used to chip away at that boulder. Maybe it can do even more than just lessen the weight of the burden, maybe it could even carve it into a beautiful testament of fortitude that we can carry onward into a better future in a better world. A world where less people are afraid. A world where more people listen instead of solely speak. A world where we truly hold the sanctity of a human life to the esteem of which each singular one is truly worthy. A world where less mothers have to fear for the lives of their children. A world where less people need to fear that they may not come home. What a world that could be. Sadly that's not the world that we have right now. Right now we have a world that contains far too much fear, far too much pain, and fair too much ignorance. However as the sun sets on the current flawed reality we have, it would behoove everyone who finds the world I described earlier to be appealing, to do what they can to ensure that some day, the sun will rise to greet such a world. For that is a world, that truly deserves to be graced by the rays of that divine light that are cast over this little blue marble floating in oblivion.