Deafening Silence

It's important to remember that in many instances, not saying something, is saying something. I've had an experience recently that has really highlighted that concept for me. The term deafening silence is almost always employed in a negative context, and this most recent experience of mine is not an exception. Deafening silence usually means disapproval, but it also often has the connotation of awkwardness and discomfort and again, this most recent situation is not an exception. As usual, for the sake of privacy, I will be writing in my typical style of vagueness and an emphasis on the larger philosophical lessons from my experiences, rather than the specifics of the individuals involved. Before I go into this, I want to take a moment to explain why I do that. I have a strong regard for privacy because I feel that it's my responsibility as a writer. For me to reveal the personal details of those that are involved in my life, in my mind, would be a bastardization of the craft that I so frequently take part in. When I write about my personal experiences, I feel that the lessons I take from them are not only acceptable to write about, but are important to cover. The personal details of others involved, however, are irrelevant and would be irresponsible to disclose. You may have noticed that in my style of writing, really the only way one could tell who I am talking about, would be if the individual reading was in fact myself, and that's very much intentional. Again, the lessons are important, but the people who have taught them to me deserve to have their privacy respected, and that's why I write in this manner. With that out of the way, let's get back to the topic and the most recent string of events that have led my mind to it. I have grown close with another person I met a while ago, and I've come to admire them very much. It's for that exact reason that it makes me quite bitter and despondent to have the suspicion that the admiration is not reciprocated. For the sake of clarity and fairness, it should be said that the admiration may be reciprocated in some regards, but my suspicion is that it is lacking in one especially important area, and that is in respect. I think it is possible to have some degree of admiration or at least appreciation of an individual without fully respecting them, and that's what I have come to believe is the case with this latest scenario. My assumption of a lack of mutual respect isn't unfounded and I believe that it should be stated why, since it very much ties into the topic of this entry. In the many conversations I've had with this individual, if I ever make a statement that is mistaken, they're lightning quick to correct me. That's just the pattern I've noticed. To be fair, that's actually one thing that I often appreciate about them. If they see a misconception, they call it out. It's just that simple to them, and that bluntness is a trait they have that I'll concede being envious of. That personality trait of theirs has helped me learn quite a bit, and it has helped me grow. However, there is one case where that tendency of theirs leaves me disconsolate, and that is actually the one case where they don't employ it. On a few occasions, things between them and I have become heated and I have mentioned the assumption I have that respect between them and I is a one way street. Every time I say that, there is no attempt to correct me, which leaves me with precious few options other than to think that the statement requires no correction. It's a powerful instance of deafening silence. I profoundly hope that I can figure out a way to mend this issue with the individual, and will be doing everything I can to do so, since I value the relationship, but I'm not entirely sure how to fix the problem. I would say that's enough from my personal life, and now would be a good time to branch out to discussing the broader concept of deafening silence. I feel that the term can often be found among the context of injustice. In that context, deafening silence is in reference to a refusal or failure to speak out. In that context, deafening silence essentially means that the individual emitting it, is lacking in moral character. It's often thought of as a weakness of sorts, and while I definitely agree, I will do what I often do and play devils advocate. It should be understood that the world we live in is highly circumstantial, each instance is different and each situation requires a different means of being handled. Given all that, it should be understandable when someone has a lapse in judgement and perhaps partakes in some deafening silence unintentionally. That actually brings me back to my personal life, funny enough. I'm just now remembering that there was another recent situation in which my own silence was deafening. I think I've said enough about my personal life, but I think it's important to acknowledge that I too am capable of the same faults that I wish to see eradicated so I'll go into this separate matter for the sake of fairness. It was a situation that I detailed in an earlier entry but I feel that it should be reiterated on since it's relevant here. Basically in this separate instance, there was a problematic individual and I wasn't entirely sure how to address the situation, which resulted in the situation being handled by others. Essentially I was accused of inaction and I felt that there was an undertone of an assertion of either incompetence or even co-conspiration, but it's also important to acknowledge that this is possibly just due to my own personal feeling of being attacked so it shouldn't be taken that personally. None the less, I partook in deafening silence, I'll admit that. However I'll also say that my reason for not speaking out was fair. My level of understanding of the situation was at an awkward level of being aware of what was going on, but not quite having enough awareness that I felt it was my place to be calling people out. Make no mistake, if I was aware of the magnitude of the infractions of the individual, I would have spoken out without a breath of hesitation, however I was not. None the less, it was an awkward circumstance to say the least and it is understandable that my lack of speaking out would be perceived as odd. It's very possible that I had a lapse of judgement, but I've always been of the mindset that the only true mistakes one can make are the ones they don't learn from, so I will be treating this as a learning experience so that perhaps I won't partake in deafening silence in the future. Putting a bow on this whole entry, I'll finish by saying this: it would be wonderful if this world was all black and white, it would be wonderful if everything was all so simple, but the simple truth that we all need to accept is that this simply isn't the case. Most of the world is made up of gray area and learning how to navigate it is just part of life. Deafening silence, whether coming from others, or from yourself, is something that I struggle to imagine would be a good thing in many scenarios, so perhaps it's something that's best avoided all together.