Island of the Lotus Eaters

It's quite late right now, but that's not a particularly atypical time for me to be writing. However, there is a specific reason for myself being up at this strange hour this time. I'm uneasy. This also isn't an uncommon occurrence but this time feels different and it's largely due to a handful of current circumstances. I've had these worries for a while, but it seems that they're coming to a boiling point because of a piece of literature that I just reread. This piece of literature struck me so powerfully this time because there was a section in it that I now understand is a very accurate depiction of what I'm afraid I'm experiencing in my own life. The piece of literature: The Odyssey. The section: Island of the Lotus Eaters. If you're familiar with the Odyssey you immediately know what I'm talking about but if you're not I'll provide some context. After surviving a particularly harsh battle, Odysseus and his men find themselves on a strange new island. Odysseus sends three men out to scout out the island and they don't come back. The men are found living among a strange native tribe that does nothing but sit around all day eating a lotus fruit that makes whoever consumes it forget all sense of purpose and become content doing nothing. Forever. After coming to understand what has happened to his men, Odysseus proceeds to drag them, kicking and screaming, back to the ship where he ties them down and they set off. Obviously that's a very bare bones description of the piece, but it's enough for the purpose of me getting my point across. The scariest thing about this particular hurdle was the fact that the fruit looked so harmless and the people even seemed nice. It could have been described as a paradise, but it was a distraction. It was yet another trap designed to keep them from achieving their goals. Even good things can be dangerous if we aren't wary of them. If you over indulge in anything, problems ensue, whether you realize it or not and I'm just scared that I'm starting to overindulge, that I'm becoming too comfortable and losing sight of what's important. It's not a perfect parallel, I need to make that as clear as possible, but there are similarities. I've been in my current living situation for the most part of a year now, and I won't lie, I don't mind it. It's comfortable, the rent is affordable, I get along with my roommates for the most part, and my job is manageable. Not only that, but I've become content with some other social relationships I have. There's a woman I'm interested in and my feelings for her are getting stronger. I very much enjoy all of this so what's the problem? I feel like I'm enjoying it too much. I know that's an odd thing to say, but it makes sense in the context of the Lotus Eaters comparison. I would never call any of my new friends or roommates the lotus eaters since they absolutely aren't keeping me chained down, rather I'm the only one that's doing the chaining. All of these people I have come to know have been busy building their lives all this time, and while I want to think that's what I've been doing as well, I'm having doubts. I keep telling myself that everything I'm doing is leading towards my greater goals, but no matter how much networking I do, no matter how involved I am, it seems that my goals still remain elusive. I don't think this is just me being impatient again, I'm genuinely fearful that what I want out of my life is slipping through my fingers. I don't want to remain on the island of the Lotus Eaters. I don't want to forget my purpose, I don't want to just lounge around forever having never accomplished anything. I'm getting a little worked up over this and I think that's important to recognize so I'm going to bring it back to how my situation is different from that of Odysseus and his men. For one thing, I'm not just sitting around doing nothing. Not only do I work, but I am frequently doing all sorts of things on a nearly daily basis. So to say that I'm just lounging is simply factually inaccurate. I've come far in many regards over this past year and many people have mentioned so, but nonetheless I still can't shake the feeling that I'm not doing enough. I'm craving a big change, but I don't want to be hasty about it. Being cautious and being lazy are too extremely different things and I refuse to forget that, but at the same time, I feel like I need to start gearing my direction towards making a sort of big picture alteration that could possible get my life back on track. It's really just a matter of figuring out what kind of change I want this to be. I've strongly considered and even taken steps towards making a large decision but before I make it, I just want to be absolutely sure of a few things. First; that I'm doing it for the right reasons. Second; that I'm not just trying to run away, that I actually desire to find myself. And third; I want to have a better idea of what I might get out of this opportunity. The third check mark is the trickiest to find, because I really don't think there's anyway to get a guaranteed answer to that one. It's more of a leap of faith that I just need to build up the courage to take. I've considered military service, I've considered just getting in my car and driving while hoping to have some epiphany, I've considered the peace corps (which is what I was referring to earlier) but out of all of these options, I just know the one thing I absolutely don't want to do: stay on the island.