Insomnia

A sunrise is typically associated with a bright and early start to a fresh day. When people think of experiencing them, they tend to imagine someone who has just woken up and is preparing to make the absolute most out of the next 24 hours. They have a very different significance to me. I've seen many sunrises but they've all been in a very different context. Unfortunately, I often associate a sunrise with failure. When I see a sunrise, the first thought that comes to my mind is how I had just spent all the hours of the night trying to find the peace to rest, but was unsuccessful. It's a moment of defeat, when I accept that I'll be spending the day in a weakened state. When I see a sunrise, I know that the upcoming day is going to be a difficult one through which I'll have to struggle every minute to maintain functionality. That's insomnia. As I'm typing this, I know I'll be seeing yet another one peak through my window yet again, and while this is frustrating, it's something that I've come to accept as more or less of an inevitability from time to time. As of lately it's definitely veered on the "more" side, but I'm working on it the best I can. The very name of this blog denotes that being an insomniac is a good thing because it gives me time to think about all of these things, but I suppose "A Silver Lining of Insomnia" might actually be a more adept title, since the additional time is the sole aspect that could be considered a "perk". I would say without a second of hesitation that every other aspect of the condition is a frustrating drawback. Usually after cataloging my thoughts, my mental capacity is drained and I really have to force my mind to function throughout the rest of the day. It's not only my mind either, since the serious lack of sleep takes a tole on the body as well. I'm weakened like this, I'm slower like this, I tire easily, and I need to drink water constantly simply in order to have the energy to make it until an appropriate time to collapse so as to not throw my sleep schedule completely out of balance. Not to mention the changes in appearance, which often leaves me looking like a raccoon. I'm talking of course about the dark circles around my eyes, which have actually made me laugh from time to time. That's yet another symptom: being "slap happy". After going so long without sleep, you become a little unhinged, some might even consider slightly manic. It's nothing particularly dangerous, just frustrating yet strangely funny. In such a state, the strangest and dumbest things can make you snicker uncontrollably, and in any other context that would be fun, but in this one, the laughter comes with the undertone of knowing that I would appear completely insane if someone were to see me in such a state. Comparisons have been made between a state of sleep deprivation and intoxication, and as someone who has plenty of experience of both, I'll admit that the two states do share similarities. Unfortunately, the symptoms of sleep deprivation that overlap with being drunk are just the less enjoyable ones. It's almost like being drunk without any of the enjoyment: you're slow, you're hand eye coordination is off, you can even slur your speech in severe cases, and you're just "off" in general, but again there's nothing enjoyable about it. In this state, you're a zombie. You're a prisoner of a diminished mind and body whose functions are slowed, so yes a zombie in some sense. A silver lining may be that you tend to be "right as rain" after you do end up getting some rest, but it's a chronic condition so it may not be long before you find yourself in the position of running on fumes again. Looking back at everything I've written on the topic of insomnia so far, it sounds very dramatic, and I should clarify that it actually isn't as alarming as I've been putting it up to this point. Is it frustrating? Absolutely. Is it debilitating? Rarely, however that may just be because I'm so acclimated to it. I've talked on and on about the condition, but I've said little about how to manage it, so that's also deserving of touching on. There are many ways to treat insomnia, of which I've tried quite a few. There's a wide variety of medications one can take to help with sleep, and I'll be getting back on one that was quite effective for me shortly. There are many foods and drinks that have been proven to help with sleep such as pistachios, milk, crackers, bread, and pretty much anything rich in carbohydrates because they boost tryptophan. Other helpful means include soothing music, ASMR recordings, meditation, white noise machines, and having a pre sleep ritual that may be a combination of any of these things I've mentioned plus quite a few others that may have slipped my mind. The main thing is that having a plan that works for you and sticking to it is the best means of treating insomnia, I've just strayed from what worked for me due to financial reasons, but that's changed and things will be getting better very soon. It's because of this that I decided to take some time to write in more in depth fashion about the topic of insomnia. As usual, thank you for taking the moments to read this, and if it's late at night as you are glancing over my ramblings, I hope you have better luck than myself in terms of achieving the necessary peace for slumber. Remember that your body isn't meant to run until the point of exhaustion. Getting sleep is a crucial part of self care and it's an aspect of personal maintenance that I've been neglecting. Hopefully that will change soon. Oh, look at that, there's the sunrise. I'm not a fan of how I'm feeling right now, but the sight's still beautiful.