Incels

Everyone deals with loneliness from time to time, I know I sure as hell have. However I think the circumstances that lead to ones loneliness vary. Sometimes yes it is because of factors that are out of your control, but in other instances I believe it's more a matter of a self constructed prison. Lately there's been an online community that's gained some attention and they're known as "incels" which is a portmanteau of "involuntarily" and "celibate" implying that they are individuals who are unable to find romantic partners and it's a circumstance that they've found themselves in for reasons that are out of their hands. After looking into the group, I've come to understand a few things about them that makes the group a strange mixture of toxic and tragic definitely worth discussing. Incels seem to congregate on online forums where they air their grievances about their troubles with love, but it goes into so much more than being simply a kind of support group for socially disadvantaged men who perceive themselves as unattractive. Many of them are individuals that have looked their at circumstance and convinced themselves that their struggles are because of systemic issues with society, especially women, rather than themselves. There's a strong element of narcissism and egocentrism on these forums. Many incels feel that they have been denied something that is rightfully theirs, and this kind of arrogance is exceedingly prevalent. Many believe that women have a monopoly on romantic connection and have deprived them of such a thing based on believing these men to be inferior in one way or another. That's where the element of self loathing also comes into play. The inferiority complex a lot of incels seem to have is very strong and when you look into the individuals a little more it becomes increasingly apparent that mental and social disabilities also play a large part in their circumstances. This is obviously a very sad thing to see at first glance. My first impression was initially that these are just a bunch of guys that have been dealt a poor hand and can't seem to get a break, but that's not actually the case. While these things certainly aren't anything they can control, their response to their circumstance certainly is, and the way they have chosen to react to their situation is absolutely unacceptable and not an approach that a healthy well adjusted person would take. Sexism on these forums is totally rampant, and it's not just text book chauvinism, much of it is much more disturbing, toxic, and even violent. But above all, the thing that gets to me most about these people is their seemingly complete obliviousness to the fact that their situation isn't as difficult to change as they think it is. I can say through personal experience that there are countless women out there that are willing to overlook physical appearance, and even mental and emotional health issues, as long as a person can show basic human decency, a healthy sense of self awareness, and a touch of personality. All of these are things that can be fostered if you put the effort into it, but incels seem to have no intention of doing that. They would rather just wallow in a sea of self pity and chauvinism than try to better themselves to actually change their situation. Another thing that bothers me, is that they seem to vehemently reject any woman that wants to join the community, as though women don't also face similar struggles. The very idea that there are women out there that struggle to find love seems to be absolutely ludicrous to the general population of incels, and not only that, but they are mind bogglingly hypercritical of the female form. Many believe that they not only deserve a woman as a companion, but they deserve, what is in their mind, the pinnacle of perfection of the female form. If approached by a less than ideal woman, they'll have the audacity to rebuke her, and then go on to gripe about how their situation hasn't changed. This community is the epitome of toxic masculinity, but it's been filtered down to it's most underhanded and pathetic consistency, making it something one who might crave cringe worthy contents dream come true. Ultimately, what I understand about incels is that they are predominantly men who have put themselves where they are. I want to feel sorry for them, but the blunt and honest truth is that they don't deserve sympathy for how they choose to respond to their circumstance. Again, loneliness is a terrible thing, but to have the companionship of others, I believe you need to be someone who has shown that they deserve it, and most of these men haven't shown that and don't seem to want to, meaning that their situation won't change until they do.