Addiction

I'm finally at the point where I'm ready to admit it. I'm an addict. I have a psychological condition that has been consistently driving my life into a downward spiral and I'm finally ready to say enough is enough. My struggle with addiction has turned me into a person that is incapable of both giving and receiving love. I've lied constantly to the very people that love me the most, I've hurt them, and that absolutely tears me apart inside. The other day when I was staying with my uncle, he caught me in a lie, and the look of pure unfiltered disappointment on his face cut me down to my very core. That was far from the first time that I allowed my addiction to make me into a dishonest person and I'm at the point where I'm ready to change that. I'm done with the dependency, I'm done hurting those that care about me, and I'm done letting this illness control me. I'm not naïve however. I know that this is an uphill battle that I'll struggle with every day for the rest of my life. My addiction isn't so much of a physical dependency as it is a psychological one. I would always tell myself that because I never experienced much of a physical withdrawal, I wasn't and addict, but despite that, here I am writing this in a rehabilitation facility. If I wasn't addicted, I wouldn't be in this place, I wouldn't have snuck around and had bottles hidden. I have an unhealthy problem and I need help with it. The silver lining is that I am getting the help that I desperately need. I'm taking the necessary steps to get better and, while I know it wont be easy, it's what I need to do. Addiction has ruined countless lives and if I don't make significant changes, it's going to ruin mine as well. Fighting an illness of this nature is never easy or pleasant but I don't have a choice. It's either fight or allow myself to succumb to this demon and allow it to further ruin my life. We all have our battles to fight and this is mine.