Therapy

It's important to recognize and understand when you need help. I know that I need help and I'm going to be getting it. After the events of the past two weeks, it has become increasingly obvious that I'm not well, and that I am in need of professional assistance in order to get out of the dark place that I'm still in. Throughout my adult life I've been through therapy on and off, but I've never been consistent about it. I would go to a few sessions but then I would believe I was better and stop going. It's clear that I can't do that anymore. I need intensive therapy and I need it consistently at least for quite a while. I've never felt ashamed of going to therapy, in fact, I've felt quite the opposite. I believe that it takes a great deal of courage and strength to admit when you aren't able to get through things on your own. We all deal with troubles in our lives, and sometimes, we need assistance in order to get past them. There are some hurdles that are too tall for one to leap on their own, there are times when we are drowning and need someone who specializes in these things to help us get out of the depths that we may find ourselves in. I'm not entirely sure how long I'll be in intensive therapy, but I feel that I'll at least have to be in it for a couple weeks and I'll need follow up meetings with counselors long after the intensive part is over. I was recently in the darkest part of my life. I was in the darkest part of the tunnel and didn't see the way out, but the sheer influx of friends and family that have been reaching out to me has shown me that I still have something worth living for. However, I recognize that simply having friends and family reaching out isn't enough. I need to take time to find myself and work through my own issues. I'm on a break with the woman I've been most recently in a relationship and I think that's for the best. Even when I thought things were going well between us, I still felt suicidal and if there's anything that taught me, it's that no woman, no matter how in love I am, can chase away my demons for me. After all, how can I truly love someone else if I don't love myself. Some battles are mine to face down. I have a lot of problems and I'm in desperate need of some soul searching and professional help and that's exactly what I'm going to do. If you're reading this, know that if you've reached out to me and I haven't gotten back to you, just know that your well wishes truly do mean a lot to me, but I've got to fight these battles first before I reconnect with you all. One of my favorite quotes is "depression isn't a sign of weakness, it means you've been strong for far too long." I need help, and I'm going to get it.